


Alone (Without You By My Side)

by alexconfusion



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, F/F, I dont feel as bad as I should for the way I torture my favorite characters, a lil angst for your day, but you might hate me after reading this, if you love heather m consider clicking away, jk dont do that, vent - Freeform, you may or may not regret reading this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 05:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17616146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexconfusion/pseuds/alexconfusion
Summary: Heather Chandler finally realizes how much losing someone she loves will affect her.





	Alone (Without You By My Side)

**Author's Note:**

> loosely based off of "all I want" by kodaline  
> kind of vent ig?  
> Im sorry in advance

“Hi Mac.” Heather Chandler took a few paces forward, leaves crunching under her glossy black high heels. “You would not _believe_ the day I had.”

She sunk to her knees, not giving a shit about grass stains in that moment. “This rando kid -who reminds me _way_ too much of Jesse James- kicked Ram and Kurt’s asses.  _Literally.”_ She paused to offer a forced chuckle. “I can’t say they didn’t have it coming.”

The silence that greeted her ramblings stung. She supposed she should have gotten used to it by that point, but every time she came it hurt worse than the last.

“I missed you a lot today.” Chandler inhaled shakily, forcing the corners of her mouth into a pained smile.

Her voice caught in her throat as she tried to speak again. “The ch-cheer squad did amazing at the pep rally today,” she whispered, vision blurring. “It’s because of you, you know, your training and all.. But I swear, they’ll never be as good as they were when you were here.”

Chandler combed her fingers through her loose strawberry blonde curls, starting off gently and then _tugging._ “God, Heather,” she said through a broken laugh, mascara clouded tears cascading down her cheeks. “Do you have any _idea_ how bad you fucked me up?”

She clutched the bouquet of yellow tulips tighter in her hand, pressing them to her chest. “I brought you flowers,” she murmured, placing them gingerly on the frosted grass in front of a small stone. Her gaze shifted to read the letters engraved on it for the thousandth time.

_In Memory of Heather McNamara, 1972-1989, Age 17. Loving Girlfriend, Daughter, Best Friend._

Chandler’s breath hitched in her chest. “Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to see your face again.. It’s been months, but I still can’t believe you’re g-gone.”

Her skirt billowed out in the breeze as she stood up, shining silver orbs still locked on the gravestone. “I miss you so much.."

The wind whispered in her ear, mumbling words of pity.

_“She’s in a better place.”_

Tears pricked at the corner of the strawberry blonde’s eyes again, and she stood there, staring at the flowers. “I know.. I just kind of wish she would have thought being in my arms a better place than d-death.”

The bunch of tulips contrasted sharply with the faded gray background of ice and leftover snow, a flicker of hope in a world drained of it.

Everything had suddenly been so cold and frozen and _dull_ since she left.

 _Since she left_. Because she’s _not coming back_. Chandler swore her heart stopped when the thought occurred to her; _she’s not coming back._

Breathing becoming shallow, she let out a gut wrenching wail, bursting into a fit of angry sobs and hiccups.

“My girl. She was _my girl._ She’s _gone-”_ Chandler spluttered, chest heaving with every word she spoke. “SHE’S _NOT COMING BACK!”_ She collapsed onto the ground, shirt soaked with tears and body shaking uncontrollably. “She’s not c-coming _b-back-”_

Her throat closed up, leaving her to silently fall apart in the middle of an empty field.

The dull ache in her chest spread to every fiber of her body. Every part of her screamed, desperate for the tiny blonde she had once had the honor of calling her own.

_When they were together._

Chandler buried her face in her hands, rocking back and forth as a memory floated to the surface of her mind.

_“It’s us against the world, Heather,” Heather McNamara placed her hand on Heather Chandler’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “We’ll be fine as long as we have each other. As long as we’re together.”_

_“Together..” The strawberry blonde echoed, the ghost of a smile etched on her freckled face._

_“Forever.”_

She hugged her knees to her chest, whimpering softly.

_Forever hadn’t lasted nearly long enough._

**Author's Note:**

> fun story: this wasnt originally meant to be published, but I ended up saying 'fuck it whatever' and posting it  
> yeah it's short, but idk I figured somebody out there might be in need of a short little burst of angst


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